Angry looking girl in red lipstick

Tinder girls (they’re actually nice people)

That match fizzled out again. You can’t even count the number of times it’s happened. The conversation was just dull frustration then ground to a complete halt. But you protected yourself this time, kept your guard up. You knew, even before you sent the first message, that it would be just another one of those matches. They briefly got your hopes up, but then nothing. Oh well, plenty of fish in the sea. On to the next one – hopefully they’ll be more fun. Otherwise maybe you’ll just delete the app.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Is this the kind of blog where we wallow in self pity? Of course not. If there’s a problem, then let’s get it fixed and work out how to have fun. There might be other blogs and forums, where guys complain about “Tinder girls” but this is definitely not one of them.

There might be other blogs and forums, where guys complain about “Tinder girls” but this is definitely not one of them.

Instead, we are going to make things better; after all, we are grown-ups.

If that first paragraph sounds like you, then you are not alone. Lots of guys feel that way on Tinder. Are you totally sick of matching with girls, only to find that you have no way in. Maybe it’s hard to disagree with all the other guys on those other blogs, maybe even you are starting to think the girls on Tinder are self congratulatory, self centred, only interested in image and desperate to keep moving on to the next newer hotter guy. You’re probably quite angry about it. If so, grow up! Definitely don’t get angry.

“Negs” are awful. Flirt instead

Phil30 April 20205 min read
“Negs” are awful. Flirt instead

I think most people have heard of “negs”. Negs and negging were phrases used by Neil Straus in his book, The Game. if you haven’t read the book, then it is a semi biographical description of how Neil got involved…

Never get angry on Tinder

Phil30 April 20205 min read
Never get angry on Tinder

Do you ever find yourself wanting to send a message to someone, in a fit of rage, because they ghosted you or cancelled a date at the last minute. Well, DON’T! Here’s the deal, women are allowed to ditch you.…

Instead of getting down about the situation, we’re going to work out what’s going on. Let’s mirror it – totally flip the problem on it’s head. When I wrote the first paragraph of this article, I didn’t include a single gender specific word (I know, I’m sneaky). So, go back and re-read it, but this time imagine it’s the internal monologue of a girl, who’s just reached the end of a conversation with a guarded, uninterested, defensive or angry guy.

I hope that turning that problem around, has given you an insight into what’s happening here. There’s a viscous cycle going on.

You chat to a girl, she has her guard up and she’s pretty wary. She’s like this, because she’s talked to other guys, who haven’t lived up to their profile. They turned out to be boring, or overly cocky, or misogynists, or never sent a first message, or disappeared. She’s hoping you’ll be different, but she doesn’t want to commit, in case you’re just like all the rest.

Meanwhile, you’re thinking, why is this girl so frustrating. I’m just getting one word answers. I thought dating apps were supposed to be social and fun. Tinder isn’t like I expected.

So it doesn’t work out and you’re a little more wary for your next match. You just don’t put your heart into it like you did for the last one. You’ve tried all your good lines and they didn’t work, why even bother. This keeps going and going. Then, when you match with someone who is genuinely keen and interested, you’re so bitter and angry about “Tinder Girls” that you offend her and mess it up. So, she goes away thinking she’ll keep her guard up a bit more next time. You propagated the bad feeling.

The depressing downward cycle just keeps going round and down and round and down with guys and girls getting more and more frustrated with each other.

What can we learn from this? It means that pretty much everyone on Tinder is actually there to be social and have fun. Basically, every girl on Tinder is nice! Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that everyone is there to exchange a few messages with someone, then jump into their bed. But nobody goes on Bumble or Tinder or any other dating app with the intention of being grumpy. They’re all normal, nice people.

What if, instead of putting your guard up, you put it down? What if you stop worrying about whether she will like you, and instead you think, how can I make this fun, for you both? It won’t mean that every girl is going the think you’re to her tastes. The reality of life is that, even on your best days, most girls won’t want to date you. But that’s natural. If we all liked everyone the same, the world would be pretty boring – it would mean we were all clones. But, by putting your guard down, you can both have a bit a fun while you find out how much you like each other. Then, when a girl comes along who thinks – yeah, this guy does it for me – you won’t be angry and bitter, you’ll be excitable and interesting. Then the real fun can begin…

Do you ever think about online dating from the girl’s point of view, or do you get angry when girls ghost you? I hope this article helps. If so, let me know in the comments below, and subscribe or follow the blog on Facebook using the link on this page. It’s a great way for me to see that people are enjoying the posts.

Photo by Andrey Zvyagintsev on Unsplash

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