Picture of a part finished bio, saying "You're gonna be stunned by my massive"

20 things to avoid in a dating app bio

Before you read this post, go have a look at Tinder Translator on Instagram, then come back. Done that? No, I mean it, go look now.

I hope you have seen how not to do it and had a good chuckle. It turns out there are many, many ways to not do it. Something that, in your head sounds cool, or flirty, or funny, or exciting can easily be read as  masochistic, posey, arrogant, creepy or insecure. Here are some things to not do in your bio

  1. I’ll put this first, because it’s the most common one, maybe the most important one, but the one girls mention least. Don’t list all your flaws. Most of the profiles people put on sites like Tinder Translator are the ones where a guy is showing off. But a description of how short, fat and broke you are will get you just as few dates. If you are short, fat and broke, just don’t mention it. (PS, I am short and moderately broke!).
  2. Don’t whine about how awful dating apps are. The people you are trying to meet use them too – you are insulting them.
  3. Don’t whine about the people on dating apps, either the people you have met or people general. If you hate the people on dating apps, get better at using them or delete your profile.
  4. Don’t claim to have a massive penis. Everyone will just assume you are insecure about your penis.
  5. Don’t claim to have a beautiful penis. The eye is in the beholderĀ andĀ everyone will just assume you are insecure about your penis.
  6. Don’t claim to be great in bed. Everyone will just assume you are insecure about your bedroom skills (see a trend here?).
  7. Don’t claim that people say you are hot, fit or handsome. If you look good, your pictures should show it, and by saying it you look like a self centred pile of manure.
  8. Don’t say you are too busy for dating or you’ll be off the market soon. It makes you look like a cheap sofa advert, with a new “sale” that starts immediately after the previous “sale”. People go to those sofa shops because they are cheap, not because they are high quality.
  9. Don’t say you only have time for dates at your place. You just sound creepy.
  10. Don’t add your Instagram username. It just looks like you are trying to boost your followers.
  11. Don’t talk about money, at all – hers or yours. It makes you sound like a cheapskate or a douchebag or both.
  12. Don’t overegg your job – entrepreneur is a pseudonym for waster.
  13. Don’t include your Briggs & Myers personality type. Neither you, nor her are applying for a job.
  14. Don’t tell her to swipe left if… You’ll sound over arrogant. If there is something you don’t like in a person then if/when you find out about it, be civil and courteous and say this isn’t for you.
  15. Don’t be racist. Goes without saying.
  16. Don’t be racist. No really, don’t say anything that can be misconstrued as racist.
  17. Don’t make jokes about murder, rape or misogynism. Yes people really do this! You might be a sweet nice guy and it’s obvious to you that you are being ironic, but safety is foremost in most girl’s minds.
  18. Don’t say you have a mortgage, a car or your own teeth. Why on earth did “own teeth” become a thing. Mentioning mortgages and cars makes it look like you think girls are only into money.
  19. Don’t copy a template or supposedly witty bio from the internet (including from here). If you have found it, then so have thousands of other guys, which means every girl has read it a thousand times too.
  20. Don’t talking about growing as a person or improving yourself. You sound conceited and boring.

Wow, that’s a lot of don’ts. Have you got any more? Feel free to add them in the comments below and if you liked this post, subscribe to get notified of my new ones and share it so others can benefit.

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